The Bonnie Banks

I think £23 is a little steep for two adults and a four-year-old to visit an aquarium, when the only items to catch his attention were a fish-themed pinball machine and a cardboard shark you could wear as a hat, until it tore and kept slipping down over the face.

Next time we'll take a bag of pound coins and let him fire alarmingly powerful jets of water at pirates of various sizes on the windswept promenade, while one of us goes shoplifting.